Response Ready #1: How to disagree agreeably

The art of productive disagreement

Phrasings impact conversation dynamics.

Saying “I disagree” often triggers defensive and confrontational reactions in the other person and prompts people to dig deeper into their position rather than consider alternatives.

Instead try:

1. “I see things differently.”

   Pro tip: Keep your tone collaborative rather than confrontational. The same words land differently depending on whether you sound defensive or open to discussion.

   Why it works:

   1. Uses "I" statements that own your perspective without invalidating theirs.

   2. Opens a door rather than putting up a wall.

   3. Invites dialogue rather than debate.

2. "I'm curious what makes you say that…"

   Pro tip: The tone matters as much as the words. Say this with genuine curiosity rather than skepticism to keep the conversation productive.

   Why it works:

   1. Transforms disagreement into mutual exploration.

   2. Gives the other person a chance to elaborate and feel heard

   3. Often leads to the other person examining their own assumption.

3. "Yes, and..."

   Pro tip: Pay attention to your emphasis - if you rush through the "yes" to get to your point, it sounds insincere. Give equal weight to both parts of your response to show you genuinely acknowledge their perspective.

   Why it works:

   1. Acknowledges their concern rather than dismissing it

   2. Allows you to introduce new perspectives without creating defensiveness

   3. Keeps the discussion collaborative rather than combative

4. I used to think that too, until I discovered..."

   Pro tip: Share your genuine learning experience - people are more likely to consider new perspectives when they hear how and why someone else's view evolved.

   Why it works:

   1. Creates instant rapport by showing you once shared their view

   2. Makes your different perspective feel like a journey, not a judgment

   3. Models that it's okay to change your mind with new information

An Example:

Them:

"Working from home reduces productivity."

You:

❌ "I disagree." (creates tension). Instead, try:

✅ "I see it differently because in my team, our output actually increased by 20% when we went remote. What metrics are you looking at?"

✅ "I'm curious what makes you say that..."

✅ "Yes, remote work can create challenges, and I've found that with the right tools and processes, many teams are actually seeing increased output. For instance, eliminating commute time has given our team two extra focused hours each day."

✅ "I used to think that too, until I discovered our team's output increased by 30% after implementing clear virtual workflows. The key was finding the right balance of focused work time and team check-ins."

Try one of these and let me know how it went! Other tips? Please share below.